Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
