Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
