My first STD was from a foam party
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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