you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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