How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
