Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize