That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
