This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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