i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
