I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
