I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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