Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
