Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
