I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
