Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
