bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
