call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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