I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
