Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
