i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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