Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
