my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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