The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
