we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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