is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
