She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
