Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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