When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
