sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
