In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
NoShamevember. You game?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My breasts were aching with rage.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
