just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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