Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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