I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Less talking, more tequila
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
