I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
