On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
