this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
