I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
