Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
