Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
im calling her cock vulture from now on
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
A+ Viking dick
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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