My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
