He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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