I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
