Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
cat food counts as protein by the way
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
