Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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