i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
