if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
