The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
third nipple confirmed
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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