Screwed.edu
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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