so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
