Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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