I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
