she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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