It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
