I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
