I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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