You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
