marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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