i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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