The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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