Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
