he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
