Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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