"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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