Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
