You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
