He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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