do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
